All too often erectile dysfunction following cancer treatment causes men to feel they’ve lost their manhood. And a woman can feel like "less of a woman" following treatment for breast cancer and other cancers.
The net result is that cancer survivors may withdraw from any intimacy with their spouses or partners, adversely affecting both people.
It took my wife and me considerable time to learn how to be open with each other again after my prostate cancer treatment and subsequent side effects. By now both of us have readily managed to communicate our frustrations and desires. As a result, we have immersed ourselves in rebuilding the intimacy that characterized us for most of nearly 38 years of marriage.
What Men and Women Can Do
To avoid disappointment with sex after cancer treatment, spell out your needs to your partner rather than asking them to second-guess what’s important to you. Be clear but gentle, and maintain the give-and-take relationship that can endear you to each other—the way my wife and I have . . . most of the time!
Above all, men and women should avoid self-recrimination or mutual blame. We should not put ourselves down for our inability to function as the “studs” or “babes” we once were. Acknowledging this will help cancer survivors and their wives alike. Together we can attain the physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy we desire and deserve for satisfying sex after cancer.
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